Shawn is a bad man! .. These are old but very funny!
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi’s first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?
THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what “J” is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.
Anne Robinson : Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.
Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson : Wh…?
Contestant (interrupting) : Pass!
Anne Robinson : In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.
Anne Robinson : The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and…?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?
Anne Robinson : Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!
NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
Eamonn Holmes: What’s the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.
CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBC BRISTOL
Searle : In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller : Japan .
Searle : I did say which European country, so in case you didn’t hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller : Er… Mexico ?
FAMILY FORTUNES
1) Something a blind man might use? – A Sword
2 ) A song with the word Moon in the title? – Blue Suede Moon
3) Name the capital of France? – F
4) Name a bird with a long Neck? – Naomi Campbell
5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? – A burglar
6 ) Where is the Taj Mahal? – Opposite the Dental Hospital
7) What is Hitler’s first name? – Heil
8) A famous Scotsman? – Jock
9) Some famous brothers? – Bonnie and Clyde
10) A dangerous race? – The Arabs
11) Something that floats in a bath? – Water
12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? – A horse
13 ) Something you wear on a beach? – A deckchair
14) A famous Royal? – Mail
15) Something that flies that doesn’t have an engine? – A bicycle with wings
16 ) A famous bridge? – The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
17) Something a cat does? – Goes to the toilet
18) Something you do in the bathroom? – Decorate
19 ) A method of securing your home? – Put the kettle on
20) Something associated with pigs? – The Police
21) A sign of the Zodiac? – April
22) Something people might be allergic to? – Skiing
23 ) Something you do before you go to bed? – Sleep
24) Something you put on walls? – A roof
25) Something slippery? – A conman
26) A kind of ache? – A fillet of fish
27 ) A jacket potato topping? – Jam
28 ) A food that can be brown or white? – A potato
29) Something sold by gypsies? – Bananas
30) Something red? – My sweater
RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona .
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant : I’m sorry, I don’t know the names of any countries in Spain.
STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.
Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.
Wright: What is the capital of Australia ? And it’s not Sydney .
Contestant: Sydney.
THIS MORNING
Judy Finnegan : The American TV show ‘The Sopranos is about opera. True or false?
Contestant: True?
Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it’s about the Mafia. But it is an American TV show,so I’ll give you that.
BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat : How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four
BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW
Wood: What “K” could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er…
Wood: It’s got two syllables… Kor…
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run…
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I…
Contestant: Walked?
DARYL’S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl Denham (helpfully): It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
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