Category: Fun

Steve blogged this (http://blogs.msdn.com/stevecla01/archive/2008/05/09/a-field-guide-to-geek-types.aspx) from Wired (http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/magazine/16-04/st_geekster)

So which one are you?

1. The Fanboy
2. The Music Geek
3. The Gamer
4. The Gadget Guy
5. The Hacker
6. The Otaku

Me thinks I am …  :-|
4. The Gadget Guy
Disposition: Sociable while waiting in line on launch day; ferocious in comments on Gizmodo. Seemingly unflappable in the face of early adopter’s remorse (aka Apple Newton Syndrome).
Beliefs: I can fix that. There’s no god but MacGyver. The price will drop in a month, but I need it now.
Turn-Ons: Unboxing videos. Backup batteries. Blue LEDs. Laser pointers. People who RTFM. Things that make loud clicking sounds.
 

Steve blogged this (http://blogs.msdn.com/stevecla01/archive/2008/05/09/a-field-guide-to-geek-types.aspx) from Wired (http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/magazine/16-04/st_geekster)

So which one are you?

1. The Fanboy
2. The Music Geek
3. The Gamer
4. The Gadget Guy
5. The Hacker
6. The Otaku

Me thinks I am …  :-|
4. The Gadget Guy
Disposition: Sociable while waiting in line on launch day; ferocious in comments on Gizmodo. Seemingly unflappable in the face of early adopter’s remorse (aka Apple Newton Syndrome).
Beliefs: I can fix that. There’s no god but MacGyver. The price will drop in a month, but I need it now.
Turn-Ons: Unboxing videos. Backup batteries. Blue LEDs. Laser pointers. People who RTFM. Things that make loud clicking sounds.
 

This made me smile 

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
‘If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.’

My mother taught me RELIGION
‘You better pray that this will come out of the carpet.’

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
‘If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!’

My mother taught me LOGIC
‘ Because I said so, that’s why.’

My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
‘If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.’

My mother taught me FORESIGHT
‘Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.’

My mother taught me IRONY
‘Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.’

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
‘Shut your mouth and eat your supper.’

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
‘Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!’

My mother taught me about STAMINA
‘You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.’

My mother taught me about WEATHER
‘This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.’

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
‘If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!’

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE
‘I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.’

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION
‘Stop acting like your father!’

My mother taught me about ENVY
‘There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.’

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
‘Just wait until we get home.’

My mother taught me about RECEIVING
‘You are going to get it when you get home!’

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE
‘If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.’

My mother taught me ESP
‘Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?’

My mother taught me HUMOUR
‘When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.’

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
‘If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.’

My mother taught me GENETICS
‘You’re just like your father.’

My mother taught me about my ROOTS
‘Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?’

My mother taught me WISDOM
‘When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.’

And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
‘One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you ‘

 

This stuff is amazing.

Entries for an art contest at the Hirshorn Modern Art Gallery in DC … The rule was that the artist could use only one sheet of paper.

 

Shawn send me this, and I just had to share it:

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there’s no Hope for you. I was crying by the end.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly.

For those of you who have lived in Salford , you know how typical this is. They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Albert Park Show in Salford.

Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting From America.

Frank: “Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking for directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Oldham Indians) that the curry wouldn’t be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted”.

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CURRY # 1 – SEELAN’S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY
Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 — Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge # 3(Frank) — Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These people are crazy.

CHILI #2 – PHOENIXBBQ CHICKEN CURRY
Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.
Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CURRY # 3 – SHAMILA’S FAMOUS “BURN DOWN THE GARAGE” CURRY
Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.
Judge # 3 — Call 999. I’ve located a uranium pill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting pissed from all the beer.

CHILLI # 4 – BABOO’S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY
Judge # 1 — Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.
Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT…just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?

CHILLI # 5 LALL’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1– Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2– Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chilli peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

CHILLI # 6 – VERISHNEE’S VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to **** myself if I fart and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone ice-cream.

CHILLI # 7 – SELINA’S “MOTHER-IN-LAW’S-TONGUE” CURRY
Judge # 1 — A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing- it’s too painful. Screw it; I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILLI # 8 – NAIDOO’S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY
Judge # 1– The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2– This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot curry?
Judge # 3 – No Report.

 

My father has been busy spamming me again.

Here is another one from him …

 

This will make you smile :-|

My dad just sent me this check it out it will make you smile!

1. go to  www.google.co.uk  
2. click on “maps” 
3. click on “get directions” 
4. type New York in the first box (the “from” box) 
5. type London in the second box (the “to” box) & hit “get directions” on the same line 
6. This is the important bit – scroll down to step 24

Swim across the Atlantic Ocean

3,462 mi