Quiz Answers

Shawn is a bad man! .. These are old but very funny!

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi’s first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?

THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what “J” is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.

Anne Robinson : Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.

Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson : Wh…?
Contestant (interrupting) : Pass!

Anne Robinson : In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.

Anne Robinson : The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and…?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?

Anne Robinson : Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!

NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
Eamonn Holmes: What’s the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBC BRISTOL
Searle : In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller : Japan .
Searle : I did say which European country, so in case you didn’t hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller : Er… Mexico ?

FAMILY FORTUNES
1) Something a blind man might use? – A Sword
2 ) A song with the word Moon in the title? – Blue Suede Moon
3) Name the capital of France? – F
4) Name a bird with a long Neck? – Naomi Campbell
5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? – A burglar
6 ) Where is the Taj Mahal? – Opposite the Dental Hospital
7) What is Hitler’s first name? – Heil
8) A famous Scotsman? – Jock
9) Some famous brothers? – Bonnie and Clyde
10) A dangerous race? – The Arabs
11) Something that floats in a bath? – Water
12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? – A horse
13 ) Something you wear on a beach? – A deckchair
14) A famous Royal? – Mail
15) Something that flies that doesn’t have an engine? – A bicycle with wings
16 ) A famous bridge? – The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
17) Something a cat does? – Goes to the toilet
18) Something you do in the bathroom? – Decorate
19 ) A method of securing your home? – Put the kettle on
20) Something associated with pigs? – The Police
21) A sign of the Zodiac? – April
22) Something people might be allergic to? – Skiing
23 ) Something you do before you go to bed? – Sleep
24) Something you put on walls? – A roof
25) Something slippery? – A conman
26) A kind of ache? – A fillet of fish
27 ) A jacket potato topping? – Jam
28 ) A food that can be brown or white? – A potato
29) Something sold by gypsies? – Bananas
30) Something red? – My sweater

RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona .
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant : I’m sorry, I don’t know the names of any countries in Spain.

STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.

Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.

Wright: What is the capital of Australia ? And it’s not Sydney .
Contestant: Sydney.

THIS MORNING
Judy Finnegan : The American TV show ‘The Sopranos is about opera. True or false?
Contestant: True?
Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it’s about the Mafia. But it is an American TV show,so I’ll give you that.

BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat : How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four

BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW
Wood: What “K” could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er…
Wood: It’s got two syllables… Kor…
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run…
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I…
Contestant: Walked?

DARYL’S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl Denham (helpfully): It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.

Kids think fast!

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign
WEBSTER: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”


TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math
multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!


TEACHER: John, how do you spell “crocodile?”
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
JOHN: Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!


TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!


TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: George!


TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have
today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!


TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.


TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
ELLEN: I is…
TEACHER: No, Ellen….. Always say, “I am.”
ELLEN: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”


TEACHER: “Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”
JOHNNY: “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”


TEACHER: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
JOHNNY: “Because George still had the ax in his hand.”


TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.


TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!


TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.

Let it Snow

Well it snowed in London today and I thought I would share some photos for you! 

I really do love snow

As you can see the local council didn’t bother with gritting the road outside my house.  It was very comical watching people drive this morning

 

 

I also took the opportunity to build a Snow Cat ;-)

And finished off with a Snow Family ;-)

 

Also can you believe it, a group of kids thought it would be a really good idea to beat my Snow Familiy up and knock the head off … But I remade them :-D

Smart Answers

My dad sent me this and it made me laugh on this cold Tuesday morning in London .. enjoy ;-)

SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during a flight on an airline.  “Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. “What are my choices?” John asked.  “Yes or no,” she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the  ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without  missing a beat, she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket not  your stub.”

SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family.  She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”  The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.  “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.  The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.” When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, “Low Bridge Ahead.” Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.  Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?” The truck driver  says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.  “Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!” A smart-ass guy in the back of  the room raised his hand and asked, “What would you say if  tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?” The entire class is reduced to laughter and  snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, “Well, I guess you’d have to  write the exam with your other hand.”